Monthly Archives: September 2008

The ULOT National League Division Series Preview

“Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal.”—George Will

It’s October, which means fall and playoff baseball is in the air. And while many of our favorite teams will be watching the games from their respective couches this fall just like us, 8 teams will take the field starting tomorrow to see who will represent their league in the Fall Classic. Every pitch will be scrutinized, every hit crucial.

With life comes uncertainty, and the American League still has one game to go to determine the Central representative. However, the National League is set. For those of you who want the heads up to the National League Division Series, here it is, courtesy of those geniuses at the ULOT:

Philadelphia Phillies versus Milwaukee Brewers

Brewers pitcher and Cy Young candidate C.C. Sabathia carried Milwaukee with his 300-pound frame and rubber arm into the post-season, beating out the hapless New York Mets for the Wild Card. They now face the Philadelphia Phillies, NL East Champions for a second year in a row. The Brewers, recently recovered from an awkward managerial coup, are young, inexperienced, and exhausted, barely riding into the postseason. Sluggers Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder have pop, but they’ve also never played baseball in October before. But the wild card for the wild card will be Sabathia, who must recover quickly again to match up against Philadelphia sluggers Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, and Pat Burrell. Milwaukee’s second starter Ben Sheets is out for the season, meaning this series might be quick and bittersweet for the Brew Crew.

ULOT X Factor: Cole Hamels. The Phillies have their own southpaw ace as well, except he’s not 300 pounds and worn out. If he pitches like he’s capable of and forgets his October woes from last year, Philly will see its first NL Championship Series since 1993

Bold Prediction: Phillies in 4.This won’t be close, unless the Brewers pitch C.C. Sabathia every game, which could be deemed by the United Nations as an egregious violation of human rights.

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Day 20 AIM: How can I thank the Jews for the next two days off?

Do Now: Follow the directions for this Rosh Hashanah assignment closely and ask your teacher any questions you might have.

(1) Memorize the following Hebrew phrase: Shana Tova Umetukah. A good and sweet year.

(2) Repeat this over and over to yourself as you head home; after all, wishful thinking in another language is still wishful thinking. And if you happen to bump into any of God’s chosen people on your way back, practice your new found Hebrew skills. It will most likely delight them and it will make you happier as you scurry home to change out of your teaching clothes into something more appropriate for Buddy Guy’s event at Jake’s Dilemma.


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Sometimes Teaching is like Getting Hit by an Outside Linebacker

My non-teacher friends often ask me how it feels after a week of quizzes, group-projects, and grading. Well, it’s a little something like this.

Strangely appropriate that the video goes silent for the last 10 seconds. You’ll know why when you see it.

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Say What?

Nancy Sarah Palin has had a significant amount of intrigue following her since John McCain plucked her from her Alaskan home to be his running mate. Initially, this resulted in a boost in McCain’s ratings. However, a string of interviews has exposed what she lacks. I think Jack Cafferty sums it up best in this clip:

Put your political views aside for one second, and just grade this response as you would an essay. It is uninformed and irrelevant to the task. On my rubric, I give it a one, only because it actually is the English language.

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Conference Call

Well, it’s that time.  Conference rankings, based solely on inter-conference games.  As usual, the best college football right now is being played in the Deep South.  Arkansas, Tennessee, and Mississippi State have some embarrassing results, but no one else does.  Save Mississippi’s last-second defeat to ACC #1 Wake Forest and the top 9 SEC teams don’t even have a single non-conference loss.  The SEC has had 5 teams ranked in the top 10 this year and 9 teams in the top 25.

The second best conference is clearly the Big XII.  Texas A&M is struggling, as is Baylor, but the Big XII looks extremely strong in the middle and especially at the top, with 4 top 10 teams.  No one except the SEC can make an argument here.

Despite taking a beating in the media for a handful of bad results in Week 1, the ACC currently leads a pack of three conferences that includes the Pac-10 and the Big 10.  The ACC won’t get too much love as long as Wake Forest is their standard bearer but the strength of the ACC lies in the middle of the conference.  While teams like Clemson and Florida State have been disappointing, teams like North Carolina and Georgia Tech have been looking strong in the nonconference.

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Filed under College Sports, Matt Dover

Day 19 AIM: How can I adequately stay hydrated through the day?

Do Now: Find a dependable and plentiful supply of water. Yes, I know you teach in the South Bronx, and yes, I know the faucets—even in the faculty bathroom—are best described as mad grimy. But you don’t have a choice. Dehydration is one of the leading causes of fatigue among school-teachers. Considering that 60% of your body weight is water, you should always replenish the fluids you lose through the sweat and tears of the classroom. So get over it. Bring your nalgene bottle to school and fill it up in the faucet. Remember you can’t get lead poisoning unless you consume an astronomical amount of tap water. And don’t forget, you’re not here to drink sparkling water with a hint of lime out of a chilled glass through a straw. You’re here to teach in the inner-city. You’re here because you’re troubled by social inequity and the injustices of the broken educational policies of the inner-city. So please, suck it up. You’re here for the kids, so if they have to drink that shit, you probably should too.

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Celine Dion does AC/DC

Kidz Bop is one thing, but this is just downright shameful.

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